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-Instead of an essay, here's a photocopy of my ass
-I hired some chinese kid to write this essay
-Chico, my unforgettable cellmate
-How teletubbies changed my life
-Why sleeping with me gets you in
-D = A: My high school's complex grading system
-My daughter and I
-Why I like men/women
-One year of college, then off to NBA!
-Why I want to be a doctor
How to be the Prefect Asian Kid
Score 1600 on the SAT.
Play the violin or piano on the level of a concert performer.
Apply to and be accepted by 27 colleges.
Have three hobbies: studying, studying, and studying.
Go to a prestigious Ivy League university and win enough scholarship to pay for it.
Love classical music and detest talking on the telephone.
Become a Westinghouse, Presidential, and eventually a Rhodes Scholar.
Aspire to be a brain surgeon.
Marry Asian-American doctor and have perfect, successful children (grandkids for ahma and ah-gong!)
Love to hear stories about your parents' childhood...especially the one about walking 7 miles to school without shoes.
How To Be A Perfect Asian Parent
(From the Second Generation Perspective)
Be a little more lenient on the 7PM curfew.
Don't ask where the other point went when your child comes home with a 99 course grade on his/her report card.
Don't "ai-ya" loudly at your kid's dress habits. Don't blatantly hint about the merits of Hah-phoo (Harvard), Yale-ooh (Yale), Stan-phoo (Stanford), and Emeh-I-Tee (MIT).
Don't reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to the entire Asian community.
Don't ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life" if he/she majors in a non-science field.
Don't give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs.
Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills.
Incorporate other phrases besides "Did you study yet?" into your daily conversations with your children.
Don't ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if they have a bf/gf yet.
leaving so soon?
